"THE WRONG LIZARD MIGHT GET IN"
The GURPS 'Zine For Hoopy Froods
Number One

Blue Room Edition

S. JOHN ROSS: THE LIVING QUIRK!

I'll just start off with the surest way of proving humilty: My GURPS Stats. Feel Free to use me in an upcoming game! In the next issue, I will include my apartment on a hex grid for those who wish to kill me. Appearance: 6'0'' 263 lbs. Dark brown, ill-kempt hair, Dark beard (no mustache), and "swamp green" eyes. Wears black T-shirts, jeans, and black sneakers. Character Story: Born in maryland in 1971, has lived all over east coast, a little in the midwest, and in Japan. Games a lot. Has had a few GURPS articles in Roleplayer and White Wolf, and once had a cartoon in Dragon (GASP!!). It's depressing to note that the cartoon payed much better than any of the articles.

ST: 8, DX:11, IQ:13, HT:9

Thrust 1d-3, Swing 1d-2. Basic Speed 5, Move 2, Dodge 2. Heavy Encumbrance (Fat) No usual parry or block. Fencing parry 6.

Advantages, Disadvantages, Quirks: -10 Poverty: Struggling -5 Social Stigma: High School Drop-Kick Out -10 Bad Sight (Nearsighted) -10 Fat (Adds 88 lbs. to base weight of 175) 5 Charisma (allow my ego just this one thing) +1 -1 Delights in wordplay -1 Mild Intellectual Intolerance (I'm trying to quit) -1 Doesn't wear glasses, complains the he is "owed 15 more points." -1 Wears his T-Shirts backward -1 Has an overdeveloped sense of theatre. Tends to use funny voices, stances, etc. far more than most health people, and breaks into song in the middle of crowds of mundanes.

Skills: Area Knowledge (East Coast USA)-11, (Fredericksburg Area)-11, Musical Instrument (Harmonica)-10, (Kazoo)-10, Singing-9, Bow-8, Fencing-9, Cooking-14, Hobby Skill (Gaming)-16, Writing-12, Typing-10, Language (Arabic)-6*, (Japanese)-6*, Computer Operations/TL 7-12, Linguistics-9, Occultism-11, Research-13, Acting-12, Sleight of Hand-8, Bicycling-11. Equipment: Keys, GURPS Basic Set (SS 10, Acc 0, 1/2DMG 4, Max 8, 1d-5 crushing damage, effective skill 8). *Indicates skill lower than the half-point level would indicate.

TOTAL POINT VALUE: -1 Points. (And by the way - being worth so little doesn't hurt my ego in the least. It doesn't mean i'm a useless person (I'm pretty spectacular, actually), it means that I'm a useless ADVENTURER. Heck, I knew that.)

QUOTE DEPARTMENT

"Keep flax from fire, and youth from gaming."

"Hello. I'm not a piano, but I play one on TV."

HUMOROUS(?) ADS/DISADS DEPARTMENT

Both of these were adapted from The Arduin Grimoire, a sleazy, poorly-written D&D ripoff from the early eighties. I have a 30-page file of Arduin adaptions that I did in a fit of boredom last year. Don't ask.

Flesh Tastes Bad To Monsters [5 points]

You do not taste good. Any creature that attempts to eat you will find your flesh distasteful and rancid. If you are "swallowed whole" by a large monster, he will spit you back up, none the worse for wear, on a roll of 13 or less! Creatures that attack by biting will (8 or less, roll after each taste) attack someone else rather than risk getting a taste of you!

One Buttock [-10 points]

You have lost a buttock in combat or an accident. Your move is reduced by 2 and you sit at sort of an odd angle. . . You are at a -2 to all Sex Appeal attempts unless you are attempting to seduce a "fighter groupie." This a mark of the true warrior; most great fighters are short a buttock. This disadvantage often accompanies either an appearance reduction or a positive reputation among warriors (or both). While characters with no buttocks exist, they are mostly retired, as this completely eliminates any useful form of movement. This disadvantage may only be taken by races that have buttocks in the first place. (You see, the Arduin critical hit table had this relatively common "buttock torn off" result, and I just worked out some numbers and figured that any fighter who lived to 5th level would have a 92% of having lost a buttock. The rest was extrapolation . . .)

G.U.R.U. Generic Universal Roleplaying Umpire.

I figured GURPS needed a silly GM-title. I mean, if Call of Cthulhu can do it, so can we.

S'THAT A FACT?

GURPS Books that I've got the most actual use out of (Top 5)

1. Basic Set, Third Edition (obviously)

2. Magic (almost as obvious)

3. Ice Age (go figure. I sure as heck didn't expect to, but there is just something amazingly FUN about playing cavemen! I enforce a rule that no player can use more than 2-syllable words, which adds to it)

4. Bestiary, First Edition

5. AADA Road Atlas and Survival Guide 1: The East Coast


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